Five Years a Choice, A Lifetime of Dedication

Five years ago this month, I made a choice to start living healthier, to frequent the local gym, and to pull myself back from the morbid brink I had found myself teetering upon. I have always been a big guy. Ever since I was a kid, I've been heavy set, chubby, obese. All titles that have a strange power to arrest your self-worth and slay any sense of self-comfort. Though, all labels do in truth. The world is never short on opinions and perception, sad to say, is everything.

Living heavyset in a world that idealizes the lithe and fit provides an interesting paradox, feeling invisible when you take up nearly twice the room as those drawing all the attention. You learn to live with it; accept the dismissive looks and may even start to apologize for your expanded appearance, laugh along with the jokes about people needing two seats in airplanes, etc. All the while, knowing that your girth is measured more than any other aspect of your being. You could be the greatest artist, funniest comedian, even a talented martial artist. But if you were packing a few extra pounds, that's all anyone really ever saw.

Now, as I said, I had always been a big guy. But several years ago, I had gotten big, bigger than ever before. Though I retained a good portion of my strength, there were other signs that my health had gotten out of sorts. Still, I figured myself to be fine, a bit on the fluffy side, but fine overall. Then came the wake up call. I was at work sitting in a cubical and taking calls, as was my job. It was around Christmas time and the seasonal colds had begun to spread. I was usually pretty safe from them, but that year I had been hit hard. Still sniffling and coughing hard, I was speaking to a nice older lady regarding some questions she had over the phone. I felt a sudden sneeze coming on and tried to excuse myself. 

Then it hit, a huge sneeze that split my side open. A sensation like a shotgun blast tore through my right side. White light filled my vision and searing pain paralyzed me in an instant. I gasped, unable to breathe and half hanging out of the chair. My throat was choked shut and I couldn't speak, the woman on the other end kept asking if I was okay. My vision cleared and I was able to croak out an apology. Struggling through the end of the call, and with the pain still burning in my ribs, I asked my supervisor to be excused. I headed to the urgent care nearby and waited in agony while the one person before me was treated. 

Eventually it was my turn and I was taken back. I described the pain as feeling like an organ ruptured just beneath my ribs. The physician poked an prodded, listening to my gasping retelling of the event. They concluded that I had torn my intercostal muscles along the right rib cage, gave me an Advil and sent me home. I returned home, bandaged my side with an Ace bandage and struggled through the coming days with a gradually decreasing pain. 

Had I really let myself go that badly, that a sneeze could shred my muscles? It wasn't the first sign that I had allowed my health to get away from me. But, it was the last one I needed to make a change. Two months later, February of 2014, I signed up at a local gym and have been attending regularly ever since.

I used to think that I would never be able to build myself up like those muscular models in magazines, that I would never be able to overcome the years of built up neglect clinging to me like a parasite. But, I was able. Now, five years later, I am stronger than I ever have been, healthier too. I made the right choices along the way; cutting out soda, limiting portions until the calories became necessary to maintain my activity level, and hydrating regularly. 

I stand now as a testament, to myself and others, that dedication over time can overcome anything. If I can change my nearly three hundred pounds of wasteful neglect into nearly three hundred pounds of capable muscle, then there is nothing that can't be done. It won't be done in a day and it will be a struggle along the way. There will be days when all that keeps you going is sheer determination, days when the progress doesn't show, when the results seem miles away. However, stay the course, because dedication to an ideal will see it through in time.